


Contagious

by SomeoneOnThisWorld



Series: Love Me Like A Love Song [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, F/F, Female Lucifer, Humor, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Punk Castiel, Sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 19:45:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3908314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeoneOnThisWorld/pseuds/SomeoneOnThisWorld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Would you please just leave, Dean!"</p><p>"I can't, okay? I can't because the last god damn year? It's been torture. I feel like I'm sick, and I walk around like I'm gonna die at any moment, but you know what? Baby ... you're my bad medicine."</p><p>"Seriously? Did you just quote Bon Jovi to me?"</p><p>"The fact that you actually recognized the quote is even more worrying than the fact that I said it."</p><p>---</p><p>Not all high school relationships last forever, and Dean was just one of the unlucky ones. But after almost a year of feeling nothing but pain and emptiness, Dean decides to drive across the continent to get back his Cas.</p><p>Sequel to Animals (can be read as a seperate story because there's a pretty long time gap in between, but I think it would be better if you read that first. There may or may not be some better understanding of the story if you do, but it's completely up to you)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here is the sequel to Animals. I spent the time I should be studying for this, so I hope you'll at least like it. It's the first chapter of more that are yet to come, but I can't tell you how long this story will be yet.
> 
> Like the first fic, this one is also somehow based on a song – Contagious by Boys Like Girls, this time.
> 
> Enjoy!!
> 
> (also, I've got some awesome news!! I'm on Patreon, and I'm posting my original work there :D if anyone wants to check it out, [here's the link](www.patreon.com/timeaftertime))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I've got some awesome news, people!! I'm on Patreon, and I'm posting my original work there :D if anyone wants to check it out, [here's the link](www.patreon.com/timeaftertime)

"Heavenly Father," Michael Novak started his usual Christmas prayer, closing his eyes, momentarily blinding himself from the dinner table and the entire family of Novaks and Freely's sitting around it. "We thank you for the safe journey that family and friends have made to this dinner table tonight. Thank you for this beautiful family that does not even end in blood, and thank you for getting us past our struggles and making it ... mostly functional again."

His girlfriend Lucy, who was sitting next to him, squeezed his hand as a silent warning.

"But above all," Michael continued after a brief pause, "thank you for Jesus Christ, whose birth we are celebrating today, and whose existence itself brought serenity and peace among humans, even if for a limited period of time. We are all aware he died for our sins, and for that may his soul rest in Heaven ..."

Castiel Novak shifted his weight in his seat, as he impatiently waited for the prayer to be over. He knew his brother and Christian holidays were usually his time to shine, which meant the dinner could have as well be served cold, since it definitely would be by the time he finished.

There were a few more sentences about the gracious Jesus, and then a few words about Mary, but Michael made a mistake by making another slight pause before moving on to Joseph.

"And please, dear Lord, let this prayer be over before the chicken gets cold," Gabriel cut in, as if reading Castiel's mind – or both of them just knew his brother all too well. "Amen."

Everyone at the table chuckled and repeated the amen. Castiel opened his eyes and saw one of his older brothers grinning proudly and the other frowning at him. Balthazar tried to muffle his laughter his his fist, and his parents were smiling lightly as well.

"Don't be so rude to your brother, Gabriel," Lucy scolded Gabriel playfully, her hand still wrapped around Michael's instead of letting it go like the others had. She wore a amused smile on her face, though, and she winked at Gabriel as she said it.

"Sorry, mom," Gabriel chuckled back. He had taken a liking in calling her that, much to her annoyance since she was barely older than him, but she accepted it if that meant he counted her as a part of the family.

"God don't apologize, we were all bored anyways," Lucy laughed. When Michael looked at her with another frown of betrayal, she simply leaned in and kissed him on his lips. "Sorry, hun, but you really shouldn't bring your job home for Christmas."

Castiel laughed out loud when Michael smiled fondly and apologized to her.

"Well, we forgot thanking the Lord for Lucy pulling the stick out of Michael's ass," he said, raising his water glass in salute, and Gabriel gladly followed his example.

"I'll drink to that!" he laughed, touching Castiel's glass with the edge of his own.

"Language, Castiel," Michael warned, but there was a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Besides, I can't say I'm the one who likes getting anything inside of my backside."

"Well, brother dear," Castiel winked. "You have no idea what you're missing."

Michael snorted with laughter and shook his head. It was weird seeing him laughing that much – not to mention joining in on jokes like that. Castiel silently thanked God for Lucy again. She really had changed him.

"Alright, enough with the sexual innuendos during Christmas dinner," Balthazar said. "I already have trouble looking at the bottom of the chicken."

And so the dinner started. There was laughter accompanying Gabriel's and Balthazar's adventures at college and even Castiel mustered up a few entertaining stories about his newest friends. However, when Mrs Freely asked about college romances, he wisely remained silent as Gabriel mentioned a girl named Kali (with much more fondness than usually when he described the girls he had slept with, Castiel noted) and Balthazar seemed pretty whipped by a girl that he had met at a hospital when he had been surviving through a broken finger (that was a story even Gabriel and Balthazar had thought was too inappropriate for a Christmas dinner).

Sooner than ever, the dinner was over and the Freely family left the Novaks to their peace. The brothers retired to the living room with Lucy, each carrying a cup of what Gabriel called hot chocolate, but was really melted chocolate, bits of caramelised sugar, marshmallows and whipped cream.

"Okay, Castiel," Lucy turned to the youngest brother with a determined expression on her face. Short blonde strands of her pixie haircut shook with the sudden movement of her head. "You have some explaining to do, young man."

"Please don't talk as if you're not four years older than me," Castiel smirked and used his teaspoon to eat some of the whipped cream. Lucy frowned. "What can I do for you, possible sister-in-law?"

He glanced over at Michael as he said it, satisfied with the way it made him blush.

"You were oddly quiet on the topic of romantic partners earlier," Lucy said. "I need to know what that was about."

Castiel's smile was gone instantly and he looked down at his tooth-rotting drink. Flashes of a wide grin and shinning green eyes snuck up on him from the back of his mind and he did his best to push them back. There was no time for unpleasant memories.

"That's because I'm single," he managed to say with a forced smile as he looked back up at her again. "And I'm not really looking yet."

 

* * *

 

"Guys! Dinner!" Dean WInchester yelled from the kitchen as he was taking out his latest masterpiece – a perfectly perfect perfection of a stuffed chicken with baked potatoes and veggies on the side. He wasn't the one to brag, but that chicken, delicately named Garth, could be on some giant poster in Walmart or on some boring Christmas TV commercial.

Either way, it was going to be a pleasure to eat it.

"Hm, smells nice," John complimented as he stepped in the kitchen, carrying a bottle of beer. His best friend Bobby Singer, Sam and Dean's unofficial uncle, followed him and nodded in approval.

"You've really outdone yourself tonight, boy," he said as he sat down in his seat, just in time to make room for Sam, who ran past him to his seat. "I'm glad you're cooking again."

"Yeah, it's been a while, hasn't it?" Dean laughed and placed Garth on the table. He sat down and bit his tongue so he wouldn't suggest that they prayed before dinner (a habit he'd picked up a year ago) and picked up a knife to cut into his beautiful chicken.

"It's been exactly eight months, Dean," John deadpanned, almost as if he hadn't noticed how extremely unnecessary his comment was. Dean bit his lip and forced himself not to think about the awful eight months behind him and that one awful day when it all went to hell.

"Does that mean you're finally doing better?" Sam asked. His question carried a double meaning, Dean knew. So he forced a big smile on his face and hoped it looked sincere.

"Hell, yeah! I'm back to good ol' me," He said and place the first slice of chicken on Sam's plate. "New year and new beginnings or whatever, right?"

 

* * *

  

Except that it wasn't. Not a new beginning in the least.

Because Dean still found himself at Michael Novak's mass the next Sunday. And his eyes still miserably roamed the seats to find the familiar wild jet black hairstyle that stood out. And he still got the preacher's sympathetic glance more than three times.

And Castiel still wasn't there.

He only vaguely listened to Michael as he twirled his phone between his fingers, like he always did. He didn't know what he was expecting from it, really – a text from his ex boyfriend? Please, enough time had passed for him to know that would never happen. Not again, anyways.

So Dean was miserable. So, what? How could he not be, when he had let the best person in the world slip from his fingers.

But he was one of the unlucky ones. Much like Becky Rosen and Chuck Shurley, who had broke up during the summer after high school, and like Benny and Andrea, who had broke up not long before he and Cas had.

Cas.

Dean was pathetic, that much he knew (he was at Castiel's older brother's mass, for fuck's sake!), but he still couldn't believe how much he missed that gummy smile and those beautiful eyes and how sexy he had looked when he smirked just before the clothes came off.

Sure, it was pretty physical between them, there was no denying it, but every idiot could see something more. Hell, he fucked himself through enough people in high school to be able to tell the difference between casual sex and what he and Cas had.

He felt an aching pain in his chest – the pain that always accompanied the sweetest memories of his life when he took time to think about them. Which was all the time. Eighteen hours a day and six hours at night, when the bastard found his way into his dreams.

Dean shifted in his seat, silently hoping for the mass to be over. He really didn't know why he still bothered to come. Did he expect to see Cas? He was probably on a plane halfway back to his fancy college in fancy fucking California. If he had even come home for the holidays to see his family, that is. He was sure as hell he wouldn't have even come close if he thought about doing it for Dean.

Plane.

It all started with a damn plane.

God, Dean was so stupid.

 

* * *

 " _You are being unreasonable, Dean."_

_"Hey, I'm not backing off here," Dean protested widely. "Birds and are meant to fly. Fucking dragons are meant to fly, for all I care! Not a man. Not in a closed up aerodynamic box, full of other people, out of which only two of them actually know what they are doing and there is no escape for the others if they fuck up."_

_"Well, how do you plan on visiting me, then?" Castiel asked. "With your precious car?"_

_"Damn straight!" Dean nodded. "Baby and I can even drive you there if you want."_

_"No thanks," Castiel said. "I think I'll take my chances with the plane."_

_"And what? A goodbye kiss at the airport? Like some cheesy chick-flick?" Dean asked._

_"I told you many times, Dean," Castiel sighed. "You can come with me to California until the rest of the summer, but ..."_

_"I'd have to be flying," Dean chuckled. "No thanks. I'll pass."_

_Castiel rolled his eyes._

_"Fine," he said. "Then you have exactly one month left with me. After that – Skype calls until my break."_

_"Or you could just stay here," Dean said. "You got accepted to college here, too. I'm sure Michael, and me, would prefer if you stayed."_

_"Wow," Castiel said. "You know, he said the exact same thing. I'm really starting to wonder when you two became buddies."_

_"Maybe when you decided to leave us behind like some toys you're done playing with!" Dean grew frustrated. He knew he didn't mean a damn thing, but he wasn't going to let Castiel just win this argument. He was actually very proud that his Cas got accepted to Berkley, but he also knew that he was going to miss him. And long distance relationships sucked._

_Castiel's eyes widened with hurt._

_"That's what you think you are to me?" he asked quietly. "Just some toy?"_

_No no no no no. Dean stood up from where he was sitting stepping closer to his boyfriend._

_"I didn't mean it like that, Cas," he said, but as soon as he got close enough to reach for him, Castiel moved away._

_"You know," Castiel said and looked away – anywhere but him. "Suddenly this past year looks very different from my point of view."_

_"Come on, Cas, don't ..." What was it that he tried to say in that moment? Don't turn my words around? Don't take it the wrong way?_

_Don't leave?_

_Well, Cas did just that._

_"No, Dean, I'm getting pretty sick of your bullshit. I'm done," he said just before he started walking away, and it was as good of a break up line as any. At least he didn't actually say the words. "Who knows, maybe I'll find another_ toy _to play with in California."_

* * *

 

"Amen."

As always, Michael Novak jolted him out of his thoughts once he ended the mass. Dean mumbled the repetition of the word along with everyone else, and stood up to walk out. His mind was set on simply escaping this hell he put himself through and made a beeline towards the exit, but he was, as usual, blocked by other people – people who actually went to church because of their religion, not because they were still heartbroken because of the preacher's younger brother.

Once he made his way out, he walked towards the Impala, determined to just get home and mope around all day, when suddenly two arms appeared out of nowhere and hooked themselves around Dean's.

"Well, what do we have here," a very familiar British accent spoke up from his left.

"Balthazar," Dean greeted with a tired frown. He looked to his right and recognized another person he dreadfully wanted to avoid. "And Gabriel. Of course."

"Nice to see you, too, Dean-o," Gabriel grinned. "I can't believe it, we haven't seen you in forever. Let's go get a drink and celebrate."

"Not really in a celebrating mood right now, guys," Dean said. _Especially with my ex boyfriend's brother and best friend_ , he added in his head.

"Oh, come on, Dean!" Gabriel whined. "The boys are back in town! We're thinking about even throwing a badass New Year's party, to which you're invited, of course."

"Thanks," Dean said and extracted his arms from the other men's death grip – or what they probably thought it was, anyways. "But no thanks, fellas. I have stuff to do ..."

"And Cas to avoid," Balthazar rolled his eyes. "Are you still moping around because of that?"

"None of your damn business," Dean mumbled and pulled the keys out of his car when they got close to it. He didn't have to look at the dynamic duo to know they were gaping at his back. He unlocked the door of his car, but before he could say another thing, Gabriel and Balthazar were by the car as well.

"Oh. You are."

"We're definitely getting a drink then," Gabriel concluded and yelled, "Shotgun!" before sliding into the passenger seat. Balthazar frowned, but followed his example and sat down in the backseat. Dean rolled his eyes, cursing the universe that was responsible for making them find him in the first place, and opened the door of the car, sitting behind the wheel, and cut off the argument of why did Gabriel always get to be in the front seat by starting the engine.

"So," Gabriel said and popped a Skittle into his mouth. Castiel had told him once he spent around half a minute eating one and _damn it_ , he really couldn't catch a break from thoughts of him. "You still into Cassie, huh?"

"And you're still not minding your own business," Dean huffed. "Where do you want to go?"

"We have some alcohol stashed just out of town," Balthazar said. "Looks like you need it."

"Nope," Dean said quickly. "No alcohol. I'm not gonna blabber everything out to you two."

"Why not? We're not going to see Cas for another few months, so you might as well tell us," Gabriel said.

"Oh? He didn't come home over the break?"

"He did. And left yesterday," Gabriel shrugged. "Didn't want to run into you, I guess."

"Gee, thanks," Dean frowned, although he knew it was most probably the truth. "It's not like I want to see him, either."

"Yes, you do," Gabriel and Balthazar replied at the same time and Gabriel popped another Skittles in his mouth.

"No, I actually don't," Dean said. "I'm about as done with him as he is with me."

"And that's why you come to church every Sunday like a good boy?" Balthazar asked. "Michael told us to talk to you. He can see you looking like a kicked puppy over there."

"Did it occur to him that maybe I like going to church?" Dean asked. _What a load of bull_ , he heard his own conscious berate him. "It's ... peaceful."

Gabriel barked out a loud laugh.

"Oh, that's a good one. Redeeming yourself for your high school sins?" he asked. "Tell me, what saint do you pray to? Angel Castiel?"

Pained features washed over Dean's face. He tried to mask them, but Gabriel was still quick to catch them. His face softened with sympathy.

"Sorry, that one was off," he apologized immediately. "He misses you too, you know?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure he does," Dean said, and instead of turning left he decided to go forward, towards the Novak house. He didn't want to listen to this anymore than he had to. "Probably has some new boyfriend's shoulder to cry on, too?"

"Of course not," Balthazar piped in. "He's just as miserable as you are. Why do you think he left early? Because every single thing in his own house reminds him of _you_."

"Well, that sure is convinient," Dean laughed bitterly. "He can escape every thought of his shitty ex by buying a freaking ticket to California. That's neat, it really is. At least he doesn't have to live here, and walk down every street we used to walk down on when we went on a date, and drive around in the car we first kissed in! Poor guy, I really feel his pain."

Tears started gathering in his eyes as the unwelcome memories broke loose in his mind again. Even Gabriel and Balthazar remained quiet for the rest of the ride, until the car stopped in front of Gabriel's house. Gabriel's, not Castiel's. It was just another place Dean didn't want to link directly to him.

"Just ..." Gabriel started and paused in consideration of what to say next. "Just know that he does. Miss you, I mean. And wants you back, most probably. It never took him this long to get over someone, so I'm pretty sure he didn't even start trying to forget you."

"Get out of my car Gabriel," Dean growled. He didn't need to listen to these ... _lies_. That's what they were. Lies.

"Not until you hear this," Gabriel remained stubborn. "Consider this – he doesn't want to home again because he's afraid he'll see you. And if that happens, he will fall in love with you all over again and won't be able to walk away from you. And you're hurting about as much as he is – only that you hope to see him again rather than going on without him for the rest of your life. So, I'm suggesting this: take some time off work at that messy garage of yours, fill this baby up with gas, drive to California and fix the mess you idiots made."

Dean blinked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Sorry, what?"

"You heard me."

"Yes, and I'm seriously considering all that partying is finally starting to affect your brain cells," Dean huffed out a laugh. "Are you out of your mind? You want me to drive across country to get to the guy who may or may not take me back? What do you think will happen? I'll show up at Castiel's door and he'll fall into my arms? Please, he'll more likely tell me to fuck off and get a restraining order against me. I know I'm pathetic, but I'm not that pathetic."

Gabriel sighed and both he and Balthazar left the car. Before he closed his door, however, he stuck his head back in.

"You're allowed to at least try being happy once in a while, you know? Please, just think about it."


	2. Chapter 2

Dean thought about it.

He thought about driving to California on New Year's eve, when he faked being sick so he wouldn't have to be in the same living room where Castiel had shown him a whole new meaning of kissing someone at midnight. He thought about it through the entire January and entire February. He was pretty sure he would be thinking about it through the entirety of March, too, but people were starting to notice.

"What's on your mind, chief?" Benny asked him at the garage on a sunny day that was third of March. Dean had been leaning over the hood of a blue Ford, not really sure what the problem was or what he should be doing to fix it, since everything on his mind was (surprise, surprise) Cas. He raised his head and grinned at Benny.

"Nothing much," he tried to cover up his stupid heartbreak with a steady voice. "Just, you know, thinking. Nothing important."

"Mhm," Benny nodded and leaned on the car door. "And what's got you thinking so hard that you're trying to fix the engine of the car that only needs new tires?"

Dean glanced down and sure enough, there were two flat tires on the left side of the car. _Damn it_.

"So, call me crazy, but I'm guessing there is something important swimming around that noodle of yours," Benny said with a knowing smirk. Dean blushed and closed the hood before leaning his body on the side of the car next to Benny.

"Can you help me with something?" he asked, chewing his lip.

"I believe that's one of the main jobs I have for being your friend."

Dean chuckled and shook his head, but really he felt like crying. It was an awful feeling, but it happened every time he tried to pull a smile nowadays.

"I saw Gabriel and Balthazar just after Christmas," he said and watched as Benny nodded knowingly. "They said some things that put me up for wishful thinking, but I'm not sure if it's worth the risk."

"This is about Cas, isn't it?"

Dean expected that question, but it still hit him like a ton of bricks. He bit his lip again and nodded.

"They said he, uh, still misses me. It's probably a load of bullshit," he said, trying not to meet Benny's eyes. He knew his best friend could see just how much Dean hoped that little fact could be true. "And Gabriel, the dumbass that he is, suggested I drive to California and try to get him back."

Benny nodded again, piercing blue eyes scanning Dean's face.

"And you're thinking of going." It wasn't much of a question.

"No, I'm stubbornly trying o talk myself out of it. Hopeful optimist I am, I'm probably gonna get my heart shattered all over again. And I don't need it," Dean said. He pushed himself off the car and walked towards the stack of tires. Unfortunately, Benny followed him.

"Damn it, Dean," he sighed. "Why don't you let yourself be happy?"

Dean laughed, loudly and bitterly.

"Well, it didn't exactly work out well the last time around if you don't remember," he said and picked up two tires.

"Yeah, and that was because you were going through some kind of a pms because of those damned abandonment issues you have," Benny said. "Brother, I can't remember if I ever saw you smiling as widely as you did when Cas was under your arm."

"Please, don't remind me," Dean groaned, once again feeling like he was going to cry. "Please, just don't."

"Sorry," Benny said, his voice becoming much more soothing in an instant. "But you should realize you're not the only one hurtin'. I'm still in touch with Meg, you know. Apparently Cas is a walking shadow of the sarcastic son of a gun he was in high school."

Dean kneeled down at the side of the car and started removing one of the flat tires.

"Yeah, well, you can't know for sure, can you?" Dean said. "Gabe told me he even went back as soon as Christmas was over, so he didn't have to run into me or something. I'm sorry if that makes me a bit cynical about the whole thing."

"Dean," Benny sighed. "Stand up. Look at me."

Though he didn't want to, Dean complied.

"Do you still love Cas?"

"Dude ..."

"Do you?"

"I ..." Dean bit the inside of his cheek and looked down. "I don't know if it's possible to stop."

"And do you want to _ever_ see him again?"

"God, Benny," Dean groaned again and rubbed a hand over his face. "You know I fucking do."

"And are you willing to swallow your pride and apologize for that idiotic fight of yours?"

"Hey, that was a completely rational ..."

"Not listening."

"Fine." Dean sighed and looked back at Benny. "I'm willing to apologize. I was out of line, anyways."

"Good." Benny smiled. "Then you are all set. What are you so afraid of?"

Dean didn't know. Well, of course there was that twisted fear in his gut that Castiel would just slam the door in his face. And that he wouldn't listen. And that he would take him back.

But, damn it, how he wanted to see those eyes again. Even if for a second.

"Hey, Bobby!" he yelled out, making Benny smile widely.

"Yeah?"

"Can I take the next week off? I think I'd like to go on a vacation!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better late than never, am I right? I finally mostly finished my exams (three more to go, yay!) and I'm finally back, bitches!
> 
> Enjoy!!

25 hours.

Plus the pit stops.

Plus the few hours he knew he had to spend for sleep.

That was a total of 32 hours if he was being optimistic. Dean groaned internally.

 _Why did Cas had to move so far away?_ he asked himself for the hundreth time as he threw his duffel bag in the trunk. He closed it and turned to Sam, Bobby, John and Benny, who were all looking like he was going off to war.

"Please stop pulling that face," Dean rolled his eyes. "I'll be gone for a week, tops. Maybe two if it turns out to be successful."

He visibly cringed at his own choice of words. _Don't be too hopeful, WInchester._

Sam stepped forward and hugged him.

"I'll miss you," he said.

"Geez, you're talking as if you'll never see me again, Sammy," Dean said, but inspite of his complaining he dragged the hug on for a while longer.

"It will be the longest I've ever been without you," Sam shrugged, pulling away. "You can't blame me for being a little attached."

"Clingy is the word for it," Dean smirked and ruffled Sam's hair, which was growing longer and longer with each passing month, while he was trying to pretend that reminder didn't hit him in the gut. "You better get a haircut before I get back."

"Never," Sam smiled. "Ruby likes it."

"Ruby is a demon," Dean claimed seriously. The dark-haired girl Sam had befriended upon starting high school wasn't that bad, just a bit shady. And she seemed to hate Dean for some reason.

"Only because you slept with her sister and told her you didn't do relationships." Sam gave him a pointed look. "Only to find yourself in one a week later."

Correction – she hated Dean for sleeping with her sister and lying about not looking for a relationship.

"Well, at least now I know why," Dean smiled sheepishly adn turned to John, Bobby and Benny. "Wish me luck."

"Just don't screw up again," John said. "God knows you might."

"Thanks, dad. That's really motivational."

"Just sayin'."

Bobby grumbled a short "safe trip" and Benny told him to go and get Cas already and to say hi to Meg if he sees her.

Dean tried not to dwell on sentiments (mostly because he knew he would cry in front of them if he did, and Dean Winchester never cried), so he ended up pulling out of his driveway before even realizing he said his last goodbyes. He put on some Led Zeppelin and glanced at the fancy GPS John insisted on installing before he left. He spent one entire afternoon learing how to turn that demonic voice off, but otherwise he had to admit it was better than a map when he was travelling alone.

He set out on the road, watching Lawrence disappearing in his rearview mirror before the first song was even finished. He couldn't help wodnering how Castiel drove off – well, flew off. He knew for a fact he left by plane. He saw the tickets before they were even broken up. But still ... did he look behind? Did he wish, only a little, that he didn't have to go? Did he think of people he was leaving behind?

Or did he only stare forward, glad he was finally getting out of that damned town?

Dean's heart clutched at the idea. He could imagine Castiel looking out of the plane's window wistfully as well as shutting the world out with his headphones and the sleeping mask Gabriel bought him as a farewell gift. It said "Thanks for the sex, now get lost" and Castiel loved it, being the sleep enthusiast that he was.

* * *

  _"Gabriel, you are an idiot," Castiel laughed, taking the sleeping mask on. He read the blue writing and laughed even harder. He showed it to his boyfriend. "Look, Dean, I finally won't have to say it out loud."_

_"Oh, wow, Cas," Dean rolled his eyes, but grinned widely all the same. "Way to chase away your cuddle pillow."_

_"I don't cuddle, Dean," Castiel said with a light blush._

_"You so do."_

_"No, I don't."_

_"Wanna have sex and find out?"_

_"No," Michael cut in, glaring at the pair – at Dean, to be precise. "No one is deflowering my brother simply for the sake of a sleeping mask."_

_"Don't worry, Michael, I'm not planning on doing so. Scouts honor," Dean said and placed his hand over his heart to emphasize his point. Once Michael looked away, however, he looked at Cas with a meaningful glance and a secretive wink, making his boyfriend snort with laughter._

* * *

 

_Boyfriend._

Damn, how he hated that word. And the memories of Cas ... he hated those, too. No matter how sweet or funny or sexy they were, they made that hole in his heart even bigger and each hurt a great deal more than the first.

Maybe that was what that trip was. One big call for help. Complete and utter desperation. Perhaps he should stop by in any city on the way, hook up with the first hot person in the first bar he visits, spend a week there and come back home empty handed, pretending and lying that at least he tried.

He didn't do any of that, though. Cas's name was heavy in the back of his mind, fueling him with hope, and he drove past every exit on the way.

 _I can do this_ , he kept on telling himself. _I can try._

 

 

* * *

 

 

"AND IIIIIIIII WILL LOOOOVE YOUU, BAABYYYY, AAAAAALWAAYS!"

Pathetic.

It was the only word that crossed his mind other than Bon Jovi lyrics for the past three hours. He was absolutely pathetic.

Whatever.

No shame.

"AND IIIIII'LL BE THEEEERE FOREEEEVER AAND A DAAAY – AAAAAALWAAAYS!"

He was singing out of tune – very out of tune. He knew that very well. The best way to relax was to sing without caring for correctness. Castiel always pretended to hate it, but if not for anything else, at least Dean always saw that sweet loving smile of his when he tried to stop Dean from making him feel second hand embarrassment.

* * *

_"Dean, please" Cas pleaded, trying to hide his laughter as Dean yelled out the lyrics of Ramble On on the top of his lungs._

_"Come on Cas, just RAMBLE ON," Dean sang, or rather screamed in a high voice. He was positively butchering his favorite song, but it made Cas smile and that made Dean happy._

_"Dean," Cas said again, not even trying to hide his amusement anymore. "You are something else."_

_"Yeah, but good something, right?" Dean asked, a cocky grin exposing his pearly whites._

_"Yeah," Cas said with complete sincerity. "The best."_

* * *

He never did sing with him. Not really. Even if Dean managed to convince him, Castiel ended up doubling over with laughter when Dean started screaming again.

God, how he missed it. Having someone by his side, making fun of cheesy love ballads ( _"No, Cas, Stairway To Heaven certainly isn't cheesy. Don't you dare insult the best band ever to exist"_ ), screaming all of the best rock songs on the top of his lungs, and sometimes even letting Cas show him his favorite punk songs and explaining with passion in his eyes why he loved them. Different genres, same love.

And now? Now Dean was stuck with Bon Jovi and sadness.

He sighed. 21 more hours of road to go.

He didn't feel like singing that much anymore.

_And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind – and I'll love you. Always._


	4. Chapter 4

He was driving through Nevada, coming closer and closer to California's border when he saw a guy hitchhiking on the side of the road. He looked like he was on his way to an Pearl Jam concert in the 90's, with a mullet and a plaid shirt with torn off sleeves over a black shirt. But Dean couldn't say he didn't look cool.

Deciding he probably wouldn't die if he picked him up, as the guy's face seemed nice, he turned off the neverending Bon Jovi's voice and pulled over. He rolled the window by the passenger's seat down and smiled at him kindly.

"Where are you headed?" he asked the guy, who smiled widely when Dean rolled down his window.

"Berkeley University," he said. "Visiting my cousin."

Dean laughed.

"It's your lucky day. I'm going there myself," he told him and if possible, the guy's smile widened. "Get in. Name?"

The man picked up his bag and opened the car door.

"Ash," he said as he sat down and put his bag on the back seat.

"Dean," Dean introduced himself as he started driving. He tried to think of something that would keep the conversation going – no one liked awkward silences when stuck with strangers –, but Ash beat him to it.

"Mind if I turn on some tunes?" he asked and already reached to turn on the radio, when Dean's nonchalant "yeah, sure" was replaced by his own wide eyes and an exclamation of "wait, wait, no, no, no ..."

_I'll just close my eyes and whisper ... maybe our love is true._

Ash quirked an eyebrow as he recognized the voice. "Seriously, dude? Bon Jovi?"

"Shut up," Dean mumbled, a blush creeping up his face, as he extracted the cassette. Ash just laughed.

"What chick broke your heart?" he asked boldly and Dean bit his lip. He glanced at Ash, considering whether to correct him or not.

"Actually, ah ..."  _Please don't be a homophobic ass, please don't be a homophobic ass ..._ "It was a guy."

"Oh."

Dean risked another glance at him, trying to read into what Ash's humble reply meant. Instead of seeing a look of a man who was considering jumping out of the car rather than spending another second with a queer person, he found him smiling.

"No need to look so scared, Dean," Ash told him. "I'm pro homo. My cousin, the one I'm visitng? She's bi. You got nothing to worry about, man."

"I'm bi, too, for the record," Dean let out a relieved chuckle. "And pathetic. I'm really sorry. I haven't worried about being bi since I came out to my dad. And sorry about the music. Here."

He opened the glove department and threw the Bon Jovi cassette inside before gesturing Ash to take a look. "This is all I've got. Help yourself."

"So, that guy that broke your heart. What was his deal?" Ash asked as he buried his nose in Dean's classic rock heaven.

"We had an argument just before he left for college. I said something I didn't mean, like I always do when I'm in an argument, and hit a sore spot and fucked everything up." Dean had to take a breath to compose himself. No way in hell was he going to start crying in front of a guy he had only just met. Talk about pathetic.

"So now you're heading there to get him back?" Ash asked. "And you're using Bon Jovi as pep talk?"

Dean's face was burning. It was embarrassing enough that someone found out about his broken heart mix (a.k.a. all Bon Jovi love ballads), and he was going to get forced to talk about it, too?

"Aha!" Ash cried triuphantly as he held up a cassette. "Now that's more like it."

He popped it in and just moments later the first guitar strums of Suvivior's Eye Of The Tiger filled up the car's interior.

"You've got to be psyched up when you get your guy, not a crying mess," Ash told him as he kept up with the songs rythm by hitting his hand against his thigh.

"Yeah," Dean nodded. The sudden change of music shook the negative feelings off of him. "I guess you're right."

"So what happened exactly?" Ash asked the single question Dean dreaded. It was why he glanced to the passenger seat and back to the road curtly, which gave off a warning sign to Ash. "Hey, man, I don't mean to pry. I'm just makin' some conversation. We can talk about something else, if you ..."

"No, no, it's fine," Dean interrupted him. "Just ... no one really asks me about him anymore. Everyone knew him back where I come from, the perks of being the preacher's brother, I guess. Everyone knew about our relationship and when we broke up everyone knew about it before the reality of it even hit me."

"Sounds like a big hot-shot, then," Ash grinned. "So was it a classic small town love story? Sneaking out so the preacher wouldn't know his brother is banging a dude?"

Dean laughed. He hadn't even realized how cheesy it was until Ash said it like that.

"At first, yes," he said. "It started with some pretty heavy flirting and a week later he was sneaking off in the middle of the night to go out with me. His brother caught us, though, so the actual banging didn't really happen until about a month later, when we were already very exclusive and decided to take things slow. But apparently, more than one month was going much to slow for both of us." 

 

* * *

  _"Are you sure, Dean?"_

_"Cas, quit worrying, everything's fine," Dean grinned as he unlocked the doors of his house. "Michael thinks we have a cute little study date in a house full of my family."_

_"Which is a lie," Castiel reminded him as he followed the other boy inside and looked around subconsciously._

_"Jeez, when did you become a good little church boy?" Dean laughed. "And only part of it is a lie. Bobby took Sam fishing for the weekend and dad's gone on a hunting trip, so he won't be home for a few days. As for studying ..."_

_As soon as he closed the front door he stalked over to Cas and gripped his hips._

_"We've got this big biology test coming up," he said and bent down to kiss Castiel's neck. "And I hoped you'd be able to help me study some ... anatomy?"_

_One hand wandered south and ran across Castiel's crotch. He smirked as he already felt a slight bulge. He gripped it tight through Cas' black jeans, making the other boy gasp._

_"You don't take biology," Cas uttered, making Dean chuckle._

_"Oops, caught me on a lie agai..." He didn't manage to finish, as Castiel lifted his head away from his neck to kiss him as if his whole life depended on it._

_Everything developed quickly from there. Clothes started coming off before they even reached the stairs, and by the time they somehow stumbled to the top without even breaking the kiss for more than a few seconds, they were already in boxers briefs. He couldn't say it was very sexy, though. Castiel almost tripped over his own jeans and Dean almost pushed them both down the stairs when he recklessly reached down to pull off his socks. But the giggles only enchanced their arousal and t_ _he anticipation and excitement alone kept them ready and on the edge without as much as a few caresses they managed to sneak in on their way to the bed._

_They didn't last very long – not on the first try, at least. The hurried grinding and breathy moans and the pumping adrenalin were enough to make them come before their underwear even came off._

_"I guess this is where the phrase 'coming in your pants like a teenager' comes from," Cas chuckled._

_"Hm, you know what?" Dean said and grinded his hips upwards into Cas'. "I don't think I'm really getting this whole anatomy thing yet. Maybe you should sleep over, because it'll get pretty late before I understand everything."_

_"You know, I had the same idea," Cas said and kissed Dean's neck. "I'll call Michael later to ask him if I could because you're just awful at this subject."_

_"Hey, I know a few things. No need to call me dumb," Dean giggled and pulled Cas' face up to kiss him._

_"Oh yeah? Tell me, then. What is this called?" Cas reached behind him and pressed his finger to Dean's hole through the fabric of the other boy's boxers, making Dean let out an honest to god squeak._

_"That," Dean said and wiggled his ass down on the finger, "is what you're here to teach me, church boy."_

* * *

 

 

"Yo, Dean? You there, man?" Ash asked from the passenger's seat. Dean turned his head to glance at him, only then realizing that he'd stopped talking.

"Um, yeah, sure," he stumbled over words. "Just lost in ... you know."

"You really have it bad, don't you?" Ash asked.

"Yeah, I do," Dean smiled sheepishly. "Wouldn't be driving across the country if I didn't. I just want to know if I really screwed everything up so bad that it can't be fixed."

"What did you do, exactly?" Ash asked. "If you don't mind me askin'?"

"Nah, it's fine," Dean faked a smile. "I just said some things that were a sore spot for the both of us and tunred a small fight into a break-up. I was freaking out that he was leaving for school so far away and so I implied that neither I nor his borthers were important enough to him. I don't even know why I said it. Maybe I thought it would change his mind. I should've known better than to make the never ending love he had for us seem like nothing. "

"Yikes," Ash grimaced and sank back in his chair. "Hope you manage to get through to him."

"Yeah, me too."


End file.
